Jamie Wolf, MPPA

” I attended an NVC multi day seminar in 2024 and was introduced to the work of Aya Caspi there. Her teaching is unlike any I have experienced after many years in the study of NVC. Aya’s use of language and specific words, her care and thoughtfulness regarding the language we use left me awe-struck. During that seminar, I attended five of her classes which included demonstrations of real time conflicts between friends and couples. Her teaching style is so unique in that she talks about what she is doing as she is doing it. She is always teaching and her pedagogy is accessible to all audiences. She brings a deep understanding of intersectionality and the impacts of our lived experiences. This creates another, rich layer of learning and accessibility of her teaching.

I participated in two of the conflict interventions that she facilitated and received tremendous benefit personally and professionally as she walked us through what was “under” the conflict and helped us see the needs we were both trying to meet; needs that were in conflict. Her slow, deliberate, kind, gentle teaching method lands perfectly and she facilitated the unraveling of many issues that were mostly present due to childhood wounds and needs that were chronically unmet in childhood and then, how those patterns impact us as adults and create relational conflict. There was deep healing and presented me with the opportunity to dig deeper following her beautiful facilitation and examine other ways that I react when those needs are not met or respected, especially boundaries around emotions and when others make demands of me that I am unwilling or unable to meet.

I learned some excellent strategies and my “no” was born. Realizing that I am at choice to decide when and where and for who I wish to show up and how important it is to me to be asked, invited rather than told how I must behave relationally has opened the door to my “yes”. The freedom this has brought me is a profound gift for me. It has shown me ways that I put demands on myself or go into flight, fight, freeze, fawn when I am told how I must behave to keep another happy. Moreover, I now examine my needs first and check in to see if I have the resources to show up for the other as they need or express my own needs for peace, ease, calm, respect, self determination, etc. After learning these tools from Aya, I have continued to work on establishing healthy boundaries; what I let in and what I keep out and doing that with the support of the tools Aya provided has been a beautiful unfolding. It isn’t easy work but growth is never easy and always requires discomfort. I am ultimately finding my personal relationships more rewarding and life giving as I show up authentically and take personal responsibility for my experiences relationally.

This has also impacted my work. I am more honest with myself and others about what I need in order to do my work effectively and ask for what I need rather than dismissing my needs as unimportant. Aya teaches us how to ask for what we need and advocate for ourselves in a loving, gentle and peaceful way. I cannot say enough about the impact she has had on my life and I am forever grateful for discovering her and her deeply meaningful and impactful work.

In gratitude. “