Lindsay

“ I chose to come to your retreat with Karen to take a much-needed break from work and to engage in some much-needed self-care. Right before I left for the retreat, the deadline for an urgent approval for some documentation at work was moved forward twice and the end result was that the approval overlapped right on top of my precious time away that I had blocked on my calendar to be “off the grid.” During the morning session on Friday, I chose to let the approval slip by without my engagement while I listened to the morning session of the retreat. I cried the entire time during the session, partly due to the pain of choosing myself over work and and partly imagining that by not engaging in work while at the retreat that others (possibly ultimately patients in the European Union) would be affected. I knew I needed the time away to recharge and work seemed like it was killing me, despite my best efforts at self-care. Connecting with Ingrid prior to the session broke my heart. In some ways my job is perfect for me and I can embody all the training I’ve done up to this point. I have hit my stride, and I now feel I can really make a difference in the lives of others. Then in other ways the amount of change and rework and desperation involved in my work has worn me to a frazzle. My attempts at self-care have not held up against the assault and stress of my work, and I arrived at the retreat deeply wounded, tired, and divorced from my true nature. Talking with Ingrid and the others at the breakfast table rekindled the fire of my passion to help others and it was actually painful to all-of-a-sudden have more energy and passion to keep going. From there, during the rest of the retreat I experienced a series of times when I dissociated from my body, which is apparently my main defense mechanism, and probably the reason why I was diagnosed “Bipolar”. Luckily you and Pam were equipped to help me through the retreat without me needing to be hauled away in an ambulance. I am grateful to you and Karen for coming to my side when I was making siren sounds on Saturday morning. I am grateful to Pam for using her skills to bring me back from dissociating multiple times and helping me learn how to come back from dissociating. The manic episode lasted for an additional two weeks following the end of the retreat. During those greater than two weeks, I got an average of 2 hours of sleep per night (according to my FitBit, which monitors my sleep) and I wore out every person who did their best to help me. Luckily, the combined efforts of the collective people at the retreat and my community at home, I was able to survive the episode without going to the hospital. This feat saved the medical system a lot of money, saved me from experiencing a lot of trauma, and allowed me to go back to work with only taking 2.5 days off during a period of crisis for my work team. I am in awe of what community support can do. This was made possible by the space that was created and held by you and your team of facilitators for the retreat. Without any one of you, and your training, it may have become a mess. Because of your work, I was able to deeply heal and pass through a traumatic time as a whole person. I have great gratitude to you for facilitating that and for simultaneously teaching a workshop to others! I have much love and appreciation for you, Nora, Pam, Karen and Tania and for all the others present. ”