Maria Fraser

“ I first met Aya in June 2011, when she started an NVC (Non-Violent Communication) Practice Group in Oregon House where I am living. I had previously read Marshall Rosenberg’s book, and also participated in another group about 40 miles away. While I found my first practice group valuable as an introduction to NVC, the commute (due to the time commitment, and gas prices) made it difficult to continue, and I was happy to discover that Aya was willing to start a group here, which was particularly appealing to me, as I am especially interested in connecting with people in the community where I live. I find Aya’s commitment to NVC inspiring and encouraging, as she joyfully communicates with a great sense of integrity her enthusiasm for the value of NVC both on an individual basis, and to enhance our connection with family, friends, and local community. I deeply appreciate the kindness with which she holds the care and well-being of others, while maintaining an awareness of her own feelings and needs, as it provides an environment of emotional safety that allows for the desire to show one’s vulnerability and share what is truly alive in us, regardless of the pain stimulated by our personal experiences. These weekly sessions of support that Aya offers provide me with an opportunity to not only develop my own consciousness in how I relate to others, but equally importantly the possibility to heal from past emotional wounds and suffering. Since I have been attending Aya’s practice groups, I have observed the following benefits to my well-being: I have finally felt confident enough to actually participate in a group setting, as previously this was such a source of anxiety for me that I was unable to speak coherently or without blushing, and this difficulty has prevented me from connecting with others, and participating at events where I would like to be able to contribute, but have been unable to do so. I find that I am more able to really be present when I am speaking to others, and have a greater ability to hear what others are saying, and the feelings and needs they wish to express from this communication. I have found that people come alive when they know that they are being truly heard, and have had many occasions to see people transformed, becoming more open, making continuous eye contact, and smiling. I have more of a desire to be vulnerable, and share with others what is really happening in my life without a feeling of embarrassment or shame, as I see that feelings and needs are universal, and we all have similar experiences that can help us connect with one another, and see each other’s humanity, rather than focusing on our differences of opinion. I am able to recognize life-alienating methods of communication that focus on what is wrong with others or myself, and move towards a language that acknowledges choice, and alsoresponsibility for how I think, feel, and behave, which is liberating, and leads to conflict resolution in a way that is satisfying to all parties.I am gradually starting to become more connected with my own needs, and finding ways to address them while at the same time valuing the needs of others equally, and looking for compassionate, alternative solutions where the needs of everyone are met without involving any compromise. I now experience my life in a more meaningful way, as I am becoming aligned with a sense of honesty and integrity in terms of how I interact with others. I have a genuine desire to express my appreciation for others, and to make requests of others to enrich each of our lives. In summary, I would like to say that Aya is providing an extremely valuable service to both individuals and the community, and is a catalyst for vastly improving our quality of life, and providing us with the tools that enable us to share the joy, compassion, and significance of NVC with others.