Polly Sham, NGO worker

“ In the past, my habitual response to conflicts was to avoid or give in my needs. While I wasn’t happy about it, often felt wronged, yet I lacked the motivation to learn a “different” way of handling things. Much later, I realized I actually wanted to be the victim in these conflicts, so that I didn’t have to confront myself or the other person. It was efficient and allowed me to garner sympathy, cultivating an image of someone who avoids conflict—a win-win, in my mind. But you can’t always isolate yourself from the world. In family, workplace, friendships, and relationships—whenever I interact with others, I have to deal with the dynamics of the relationship and our differences. Last September, I met Aya [on an online talk]. Her relaxed, intelligent, and sincere demeanor deeply moved me. I wanted to learn from her, so I enrolled in the UNFOLDING course, focusing on my biggest weakness to better understand myself. Aya systematically and progressively shared how Nonviolent Communication (NVC) can address trauma and difficult situations in relationships. Her honest case studies in class showed me the incredible power of reconciliation when you connect with another person on the same wavelength—it’s indescribable.  Aya is like a magic wizard, demonstrating how to acknowledge the other person’s pain while simultaneously expressing one’s own needs and thoughts. For me, this was truly incredible—the power of apology! After the course, I tried applying it in my workplace with a colleague. I hadn’t realize how different our approaches to work were, leading to a misunderstanding. Using Aya’s five-step NVC approach to repair relationships, I attempted to acknowledge my colleague’s feelings, honestly expressed my limitations and needs, and then proposed new ways to collaborate. In the past, I would have avoided conflict for fear of being disliked.  But after the repair process, my colleague felt my sincerity, accepted my limitations and suggestions, and our work relationship improved. I also learned to respect everyone’s perspectives and working styles more. The five-step NVC process is a powerful tool, and Aya’s experienced and present teaching style allowed me to directly learn and witness the power of NVC. Thank you, Aya, and thankyou UNFOLDING and NVC. ”