Rita Emmer

” I found Aya miraculously after a friend introduced me to NVC.  I’m an older, single mom of a twice gifted 13 year old.  Our house was rarely peaceful before NVC and Aya.   I thought the problem was that she was “difficult” and I just didn’t know how to parent to that, how to set boundaries, expectations, create structure.  I felt like a failure. 

Then I started implementing what Aya was teaching: collaboration, connection, deep listening, guessing her feelings and needs.  Listening to other parents on the video calls and how she was coaching them through similar struggles.  Being coached on my own challenges.  Aya taught the importance of being my child’s ally and not siding with the teachers….no wonder our trust was strained, I almost always sided with the teachers.  Building that “ally trust” started changing our relationship. 

Aya guided me through seeing much of her “misbehavior” (i.e. poor eating habits) as her need for autonomy, and how to safely gift her age-appropriate independence and autonomy. 

I learned to recognize my “authoritarian tone” and learned that when/if I use that tone, it was very unlikely that either of us would get our needs met.  I learned how to restore trust to our relationship when I used that tone by really considering HER feelings and needs then having “do-overs”.  It worked!  My heart was so happy that I was connecting instead of alienating. 

Once my daughter and I started connecting, I really listened, she started opening up about school, homework, questions about sex, gender identity, friends exploring their gender identity, questions about me when I was her age.   I just kept listening.

She hasn’t threatened suicide nor hurt herself.  She on occasion will help out without being asked.

I’ve gone from being the mother she wanted to run away from to the parent she and her friends now deem as the  “supportive mom”.   Amazing, simply amazing. “